Basement Dwellers

Jennifer Morse wrote an interesting column last week called Sleeping in the basement. Understandably, it generated an abundance of feedback. Following is perhaps the best response to her column:

I'm a man who did his time in the basement. But I came out. I direct my comments to other basement dwellers.

Before I start I know that my comments will sound sexist, boorish, and offend modern feminists the world over. Good.

I'll start with the disease (basement sleeping is the symptom); it is this nineties sensitivity crap. Women want us to cry, dress nicely, talk about our feelings, be sensitive, spend 'quality' time, be romantic. In short they want us to act like women.

This is where the wrench enters the works. We aren't women and we should not act like them.

I don't fault women for this desire, it is hard on a woman to live with a scratching caveman. But the result of a man acting like a woman is the loss of respect for a man on a deep fundamental level. The loss of desire is a result of that lack of respect.

The cure: Old fashioned Chivalry.

This means acting like a man. Take command of your own life and don't apologize for it.

It also means you meet her half way. You look after her needs, you see to her comforts and well being and then go do something you want to do.

If you want to go fishing don't ask if its alright with her; make sure your chores are done and 'announce' your departure. You may have to fight it out a few times, but in the end if she sees you heading out the door with nothing stopping you she will respect your will and fortitude; or she will boot you out.

If she boots you out then the relationship was not worth saving because if all she wants is a subservient cash dispenser then you are better off living under a bridge.

Chivalry also means you grant her largesse. You indulge her (to a point) and make sure she knows what a priceless gift from the heavens she is. You hold open doors and make sure the lawns are mowed on time.

Act like a man (a caring, attentive, iron willed man) then she will treat you like one.

If you get booted out for your temerity, then sail the seas of freedom (and pay your alimony and child support) and live your life elsewhere. It's a lot better than a slow death in the basement.