No gentleman

In a hospital parking lot one time, I pulled into a parking space in front of an older woman who was also looking for a place to park. I had gotten to the space ahead of her, so it's not as though I just "stole" it from her or anything. I got to it first, so I was right in taking the spot, wasn't I?

But I had seen her coming, heading for the same parking space. After she found a space further from the building and was walking a little ways behind me toward the entrance, she said to me, "You, sir, are no gentleman!"

Well I just blew her off as an old crank, who was just mad over losing the race for a parking space. But her words have haunted me for 15 years. If I saw her today, I would apologize for my ungentlemanliness, and thank her for teaching me a lesson it took me years to learn.

The supermarket where I do most of my shopping is located in an area where many old people live. (The suburbs where most young families live has its own bigger and fancier supermarkets, but the smaller one is more convenient to me.) From time to time, while walking through the aisles getting the few things I need, I've noticed old people moving to get out of my way, sometimes with a look of nervousness, trepidation, perhaps even fear on their faces.

Those looks of fear shocked me. Was it my manner causing that reaction? I don't order people out of my way. I don't huff at them or crowd past their shopping carts as they slowly go about the business of choosing which soup to buy. Have I become so callous that, unaware, some behavior of mine makes them afraid of impeding my path for fear of getting run over? Am I the SUV driver, tailgating some old lady in a Toyota, trying to bully her into getting out of my way?

I'm taller than most people - lanky now and not is as good shape as I once was, but still no doubt imposing in size to old men and women, and obviously younger and stronger than they. Does this mean it's okay for me to run roughshod over them? Should the old step aside - or be shoved aside - to make room for the young? Is it right that old women step aside to make way for me as I march down the supermarket aisles?

Or should I be the one stepping aside for my elders, waiting patiently while they ponder which soup is the better bargain? Should I be the one to pause and let them go ahead of me through the checkout line? Should I hold the door while they push their grocery-laden carts slowly out the door?

I asked a few people about this reactions I get from old people. A coworker told me that the British treat the old with much more respect than we Americans do. My brother said, "After the way they've been treated, it's no surprise they walk around fearful." How tragic is that!

Have we simply discarded all respect for age? Teenagers stand blocking the aisle with no consideration for me, and I frighten my elders as I rush by on my insignificant quest for potato chips and toilet paper.

I determined to walk more slowly through the supermarket, pause for the old man blocking the aisle, and let the old lady take her time writing out a check for her groceries. What's an extra 3-4 minutes to me? If my slower pace and respectful patience demonstrates respect for my elders, deference for their age, concern for the weakness, isn't it fitting and proper? Isn't it civility? Isn't it my duty as a man? Isn't it being a gentleman?